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Can we go back to when the week was dragging? Now it's a step below that. I've been really tired, today...exhausted to the full extent of the word. My mom was up here earlier, so I got a short nap, which helped. Then tonight, out of nowhere I started having cramps. Honestly, one minute I'm feeling fine, the next, not so hot. About 30 minutes after the cramps started, I went into the bathroom to find out I was spotting. Not a lot, but enough to freak me out. I left to take AJ & Aaron for their drive to get them to sleep and called my mom. I told her what had happened and asked her if I should be worried. She told me to call the U. I debated...I didn't want to call them if it was something silly or stupid, but I didn't want to not call them and wish I had. I finally scared myself enough to call and leave a message with the answering service.

Dr. Hatasaka called back about 10 minutes later. I told him we did the Cryo-transfer on the 4th, that I was scheduled for our pregnancy test on Sunday and that I started cramping and bleeding this evening. His response? "Oh, shoot!" Not the most reassuring. But he was great, asking me a bunch of questions and telling me not to freak out just yet....this could be a sign of something bad or a sign of ... nothing. He said to keep going with the progesterone and estrogen and to come in for the pregnancy test still on Sunday. He said he would be there Sunday, so we could talk to him then with any more concerns. He was so nice, reassuring, and personable. Before we hung up he said, "I'll keep my fingers crossed for you and we'll see you on Sunday." What a great doctor!

I've still been cramping, but not bleeding too bad, so I'm feeling a little better. I asked Scott and Adam to give me a blessing, which they did. Can I just say I love the Priesthood? It was so nice to have these Priesthood holders anoint me and give me a blessing. (Scott anointed, Adam sealed.) In the blessing, I was reassured that Heavenly Father is mindful of me and my situation. There was a lot of talk of trials and strength in opposition, a lot of talk of staying faithful no matter what the outcome, and a lot of talk of the great role of Motherhood and how important it is for me to teach AJ & Aaron the gospel. I was reminded to read my scriptures, be humble and repent when needed, and to trust that the Lord knows and sees what we cannot. It was a very peaceful blessing, but not a very reassuring one. :) I wanted to hear "don't worry, everything will be okay." But I was (and am) filled with peace and feeling very calm. And that worries me a little.

Adam and I have talked this whole time about how this is in the Lord's hands, and it has to be according to his will. It's hard to realize that we've done everything we can, and now have to wait to see what the Lord has in store for us. Like I said, if I thought the week was dragging before, what is it now? Just a few more hours....

Keep Your Fingers Crossed!

Today was the transfer! It was great. Dr. Jones was the one who actually did the transfer, and she was so great! Last time, it took them a couple of tries to get the catheter in the right place because of my curvy uterus, but she was in nice and easy on the first try with hardly any pain for me. They had a big screen on the wall where we got to see the little embryos and watch them suck them up into the catheter, which was pretty cool. (They didn't have that last time.) Dr. Jones gave me two Valium before we got started, and they certainly did the trick. But it went great. Adam was there with me the whole time, holding my hand and keeping me laughing.

When they defrosted the embryos, there were 7 total that we froze, 6 survived the thawing process. 2 of them looked really good (she said that a lot of fresh embryos don't look that good), and the other 4 looked really awful. So we signed the paperwork to have them dispose of the rest. This makes me feel better because I was feeling a little guilty of "flushing" the embryos we've yet to use, but the other 4 really were pretty bad, so it was definitely the right thing to do. Dr. Jones said we have about a 40%-50% chance of an egg taking, so we'll see. When it was all said and done, Dr. Jones crossed her fingers for us as she left the room. It was a small gesture, but was very sweet.

We also got the picture of the embryos--just like we did last time--which is always fun! Last time was much the same as this time as far as my emotions go. I have gotten really teary-eyed after the transfer. I feel so overwhelmed with gratitude -- gratitude that Heavenly Father has given man the knowledge and technology to do it, gratitude that the U is so wonderful to work with, gratitude for my family, husband, and this time, the boys. It's very humbling. Oh, and I have to mention that the song playing during the transfer this time was "Tell Her" by Del Amitri. A song I love and have loved since High School. Last time, the song was "Have A Little Faith In Me" which I love as well. They have a nice sound system in the transfer room and play really soothing music, and I love it!

After the transfer, they had me rest for a little while and then they wheeled me out to the car to go home. I fell asleep pretty quickly and had a hard time getting inside...I was kind of out of it and was having a hard time telling my feet which way to go. I think Adam got a kick out of it. He let me lay down and I took a nice long nap for about three and half hours.

I'm feeling fine...a little nervous, but all in all, I'm doing good. Adam gave me a blessing before we left this morning, and he promised me that Heavenly Father knows what I'm feeling and wants me to know that all is well. It was a great comfort. While we were "relaxing" in the transfer room, Adam and I discussed all of the possibilities...if it works, if it doesn't, how many we could end up with, etc. and we both feel like either way, we'll be okay. We trust the Lord and have two wonderful boys, so come what may.

My mom called to check on us, Rachel Connett came over to bring us lunch for tomorrow and check on me, and Malinda Lough called to check on me. I also talked to my Dad later in the afternoon to let him know how it went. Adam and I are so grateful for good friends and family who are so supportive.

After my nap, Adam and I got take-out from Applebee's (we had a gift card that Scott and Angie gave us last Christmas, so it only cost $7 for ALL of our food!), and got some movies from the Redbox and spent the evening relaxing on the couch together. It has been a good day.

I can't do anything strenuous or lift anything for 2 days, and then after that I just have take it relatively easy. My pregnancy test is scheduled for Sunday, November 16. Until then, we just keep our fingers crossed. Here's a picture of Adam and I doing just that this morning before we left.

Lupron Day 3 & Flowers

Adam had parent/teacher conferences tonight, so I was on my own with my shot. It went just fine, and I didn't feel sick afterwards at all. It's getting easier already, and I'm only on day 3.

Anyway, I wanted to make sure I documented the beautiful flowers Adam bought for me last week.

Thursday I was SO grumpy and Adam and I got in a big argument. He slept on the couch, and that's the first time he's done that um...ever, really. He's fallen asleep accidentally out there, or slept out there with one of the boys, but never because we were mad at each other. It was miserable. But Friday, he showed up on his lunch break with long stemmed roses and Arby's.

The birth control pills make me SO cranky and I get irritated over stupid little things. I know it's the pills and in my mind I'm realizing how ridiculous I'm being right in the moment, but I can't stop feeling angry. I haven't had a melt down like that since Thursday, so hopefully the worst of it is over. I'm just so thankful that I have an amazing husband who understands his wife isn't really the crazy lady she seems to be sometimes. Plus I got flowers out of the deal. Suh-weet!